Her Final Goodbye

Yesterday we went to Orphanage.  It was a good visit but a strange visit.  

When we arrived the doors to the building were open and there was no one in the lobby so Little Miss decided she would be the tour guide and went right over to the elevators pushed 3.  The tears were in her eyes the minute we pulled into the parking lot.

(Noelle's Orphanage)

 

Once we got on her floor a little boy saw her and ran into a room and yelled, “Xiao Xu!”  The nannies came running out and appeared surprised to see her.  As soon as she was in their arms she started crying and they started crying.  They all huddled around her and were talking softly to her trying to calm her down. 

 

Dan and I just stood there trying to interact with some of the children.  There were two children that we specifically wanted to see; her best friend and her friend, Jake, who will be coming home to the US in January.  Neither one was there.  Jake was at school down the road and her friend was somewhere in the building.  They told us they would go look for her friend and that maybe we could go see Jake at school.

 

Dan and I started taking pictures and were then were told that we could not take any pictures inside the building.

 

(Noelle sharing her snacks)

Yesterday, prior to going to the orphanage, we walked down to a supermarket and picked up some snacks.  After Noelle had calmed down with the help of the nannies she put her backpack on a table where all the children were sitting and started pulling out all the snacks that we had bought the day before.  Dan and I had no idea that she had packed them in her backpack.  She had also brought some of the toys we brought her and put those on the table.  It was a very sweet moment but a very emotional moment for me.  To see her heart for her brothers and sisters she was leaving behind. 

 

A few minutes later her friend arrived.  The girls embraced and cried.  This is where the visit gets a little chaotic.  I was too busy helping the children open their snacks that I hadn’t noticed the director had arrived.  She was not happy that we were inside the building.  We found out that she only authorized a visit outside of the building.  The visit was quickly shut down and I did not get any pictures of Noelle and her friend.

 

We were told we could visit Jake but the visit would take place in our van.  So we drove down to the school with a nanny.  Once we got to the school we were instructed to stay in the van and the nanny went to get Jake and brought him to the van.  I had some pictures that I delivered to him from his Mama and our guide made small talk with Jake.  He and Noelle quietly said goodbye to each other and then he was whisked away.  The whole visit from the minute we drove up to the orphanage to driving away was about 20 minutes. 

As we drove away I had a couple of thoughts….

Ok, that was a really weird visit.

Was it worth it?  20 minutes? 

Did she get what she needed out of it?

(Noelle and Jake)

We were about half way home when Noelle stopped crying and started initiating interaction with us.  Her smiles were back.  I guess she got what she needed in those short 20 minutes and as weird as it was it was worth every minute.  She remained in this sweet happy mood for the rest of the day.

 

Today we head to Guangzhou .  Dan and I are looking forward to a change of scenery from the COLD and smog to the hopefully...sunny and less smog. 

 

I know many of you were praying for us and some of you crazy people were even fasting for us…we can’t tell you how much we appreciate all the love and prayers that are being sent our way.  Please continue to pray for us as we are only halfway done with the trip.  Only 7 more days!!  I miss my Mason and Reagan so much.

On a side note…for any of you reading this that are familiar with Bonich’s story, does this totally remind you of Bonich saying goodbye to family and giving things away and having closure?!  It's almost identical! 

 

Grief

It’s been a rough couple of days here in Xi’an.  I know that grieving is part of the process and I know that it is healthy but gosh, it is so painful.  Our little gal is grieving and it is heartbreaking.  She is hurting and there is nothing I can do or say to help her.  Yesterday she threw things that we had brought her in a pile and took what she had came with and sat in a corner of our room and sobbed.  She cried off and on for quite a few hours yesterday.  If she saw Dan or I moving towards her to try and comfort her she would turn her back to us or put her hands up to stay away so we sat on our bed and watched her cry.  It was beyond horrible.  I felt helpless.  I finally had to leave our room and go down to the hotel lobby.

 

Today was a little better.  She cried a lot of the day and told our guide she wants to stay in China but late this afternoon there were some smiles and even laughter. 

 

I’ve been through this before with some of our other children but it doesn’t get any easier.  Noelle is also the first of our kids to decide that she doesn’t like me and that is a new one.  Dan was always the bad guy but now it’s me.  I like being the good guy much better.

 

We need your prayers.  Tomorrow we are going to her orphanage.  I’m more than  nervous about it but I know that we need to go.

 

Please pray:

For our little gal….she is so hurting right now. 

For Dan and I…the doubts are creeping in and they need to go away.

For me...I find myself taking her not liking me personally. 

For tomorrow…let it be a good visit and provide Noelle with some closure and or a little more peace.

For Friday…we leave her province.  She will get on her first airplane and we head to Guangzhou for the second half of our trip.  This comes a day after her orphanage trip and I’m worried about how emotionally fragile she could be.

 

Day 3: Hurry up and Wait

Today was that kind of day.  We had to go to the bank to exchange more money which is quite the ordeal here.  We had a scheduled appointment back at the adoption affairs office for 2 o’clock to finalize Noelle’s adoption so Tom, our guide, thought it a good idea that we just head over there and wait for the appointment. 

 

I wish I had taken some pictures of this building.  You would never know from the outside of it that anything adoption takes place in it. When you enter the lobby you are certain that you’re in the wrong place.  No heat or lights are on.  The only thing lighting the place up is the little but of sunshine peering through the windows.  It’s all tile and with very high ceilings and so when you talk everything echoes so then you whisper and that sounds even stranger.

 

Then Tom leads you to the creepy elevator and you know that someone has been there because the floor mat in the elevator had changed from Sunday to Monday.  Such a weird detail…they took the time to change the floor mat in the elevator?

 

You take the elevator to floor 6 and when you get out on floor 6 you feel like you’re in some sort of Stephen King Novel.   It’s very eerie, still no lights and no heat.  And because we were early, the adoption office was locked and closed.  Tom just had us wait right there in the lobby of creepy floor 6 for 45 minutes and chat about Gone with the Wind.  I’m not kidding.  He just read the book and wanted to talk to Dan about it which was hilarious because Dan is soo not a reader but luckily he has seen the movie a number of times so he pretended he knew what Tom was talking about!  Meanwhile, Noelle and I are playing hide and seek in the creepiness of floor 6.  I’m sorry for the overuse of creepy; there just isn’t any other word for this floor 6 or this building.

 

2 o’clock finally came and we could get down to business.  During the appointment we had to answer a few questions about ourselves and Noelle.  Noelle had to sign in Chinese that she accepted this adoption and write her name.  This is the thing, Noelle doesn’t write Chinese all that well for Chinese standards and they kept having her rewrite her name and acceptance comment because she wasn’t writing the Chinese characters correctly.  I was more than a little irritated with them for being so picky but our gal seemed to think it was fun and for as boring as this appointment was I can see where maybe it was for her. 

 

I don’t know why I’m telling you this additional boring detail other than I just can’t get over how weird this office was but the only toy that they had in there for kids to play with were one pair of roller skates.  Yes, roller skates!  And since all the other children were babies Noelle got have the roller skates all to herself and didn’t have to share any of the fun that roller skates provide.

 

We were finally finished and Noelle is officially ours.  Today she officially became a Meister right there on floor 6.

 

We then headed out to have her passport picture taken but apparently you don’t just have your photo taken anywhere you have to have it taken at the passport office which is across town.  We got there, took the picture and waited for 30 minutes.  Once her picture was approved, SHE had to sign her name again on the passport application and once again her Chinese characters were not up to snuff and once again Noelle just smiled and had fun practicing her Chinese characters.

 

Even with all the hurry up and waiting going on today, Noelle was all smiles and still seemed to like us.  She was particularly fond of her daddy today. 

 

Sorry for the long post of nothingness….it was one of those days.

  

Tomorrow should be a fun day.  We are heading out the see the Terra Cotta Warriors and to visit some museums.

This is the director of Noelle's orphanage.  She was there when Noelle arrived 8 years ago and gave Noelle her Chinese name.

Day 2: Forever Ours

Sunday was only a day that HE could orchestrate.  It started with Dan and both waking up at 1 in the morning and could not get back to sleep.  It wasn’t nerves or anxiousness that was keeping us awake.  We were up calm and excited to meet our girl.

 

We got into Xi’an around 11:30 and were set to meet Noelle at 4:00.  We fell asleep and woke up with only 10 minutes to get ready before Tom, our guide, was due to pick us up.

 

When we got the adoption office there were 3 other families from other agencies waiting.  We were there for about 5 minutes and then Tom stepped aside to look at some of the paperwork.  Then women just started walking in the room with babies.  The room was quite small to begin with and all the extra bodies in there made it cramped.  More women walked in the room and because there was really no room for them to go anywhere they just stopped in front of Dan and I.  I looked down and there she was!  Right in front of us.  They didn’t recognize us and were trying to get the attention of the official as to where Noelle’s parents were so Dan tapped one of them on the shoulder and said “Baba, Mama” and pointed to Noelle.  They told Noelle who we were and she just smiled. 

She reached out to hold my hand and just smiled the whole time.  It was evident that she was very prepared and VERY loved by the staff there.  The director of the orphanage generally only brings one additional staff member but she brought 4 because they are so “in love” with her.  They gave us a photo album of Noelle and it was clear that the clothes that she had on were all brand new.  I think it was more difficult on them saying goodbye than Noelle saying goodbye.  When it was time for them to leave Noelle just smiled and said “bye bye.”  The girl was ready.   Not one tear; nothing but smiles.  When we were leaving the office she grabbed mine and Dan’s hands and we were off - just like that.  When we got in the car, Dan and I just looked at each other and said, what just happened?  Do things like this really happen this easy?  We aren’t naïve.  We know that this is adoption and adoption is a roller coaster but yesterday was the perfect Forever Family Day.

 

A few observations about her:

She’s not shy.  We went to a restaurant last night and when she had enough of her non-Chinese speaking parents not getting the job done with what she wanted, she got out of her seat and went and found an employee and told them she wanted.

 

Remember how much the nannies loved her?  Well I think someone was a bit spoiled and got whatever she wanted.  She likes to have smile stare downs when she wants something. 

 

The girl has a stubborn, I can do attitude.  She doesn’t like help doing anything so that is something that we are working on even on day two.

 

Thank you all so much for lifting us up in prayer...they are being felt!

Day 1: Sightseeing & Prayer Request

We made it to Beijing!  Our flights were uneventful and we even landed early at every destination.

 

Today we got up early and took a separate sightseeing tour from our travel group.  We set off to see Tiananmen Square and the Palace Museum.  Since everyone in our travel group arrived a day earlier than us they had already done that part of the tour and were off to climb the Great Wall. 

 

So Tiananmen Square is big.  I don’t know what else to say.  Our guide, Dan Dan, was very sweet and knowledge but she talked so fast that I couldn’t really grasp a lot of what she was saying. 

Dan Dan the guide, not my guy, Dan Dan, also loved taking pictures of Dan and I.  Whenever we came to a landmark or just something she thought we should take a picture of, she would take a picture of us from every. single. angle.  In the three hours we were with her I think she took more photos of us than we took of just the two of us on our whole last trip to China.

 

Prayer Requests

Tomorrow we become parents once again.  We will leave Beijing at 7:45 am.  We will fly to Shaanxi, Noelle’s province.  We will drop off our belongings, exchange money and then get her.  We still do not know specific times or any other informatiioin but today is Noelle’s last day living in her orphanage.  Life as she knows it changes tomorrow.  As exciting as one would think it should be for her, just think about for a minute.  She does not know any other way of living. Her orphanage is home.  The sights, sounds, smells and noise will be so foreign to her.  Two white people are now her caretakers and the one she gets to call mother has been sick and sounds like, Dixie the local bar fly. (Seriously, my voice is pretty bad.  Our guide last night asked me if I wanted him to take me to pharmacist to look at my throat) 

 

Please pray:

that her heart is prepared. 

she is ready to have a Mama and Daddy. 

that she will let us comfort her and love her. 

that Dan and I can handle the grief that she will most likely experience. 

that we know the right things to say and do.  There won’t be a lot of what we can say so pray that she will just know that we are there for her.

All About Noelle

Noelle was born on February 28, 2004 in the Shaanxi province of China as Qin Xiao Xu.  Qin is her last name and her first name is Xiao Xu, pronounced She-ow Shu.  Noelle was abandoned at 3 months old and is currently residing at Xianyang City Social Welfare institute.

Noelle was born with scoliosis and is post op for cataracts.  We have been told that she does not attend school but attends preschool because her eyesight is poor.

Our last update in May with Noelle’s measurements indicates she is very petite; she weighs 38 pounds and is 42 inches tall.  Reagan at 6 years old is 37 pounds and is three inches shorter.  Both Dan and I are concerned that there could be more to her health than what we have in her file.

She is described as a talkative girl who likes to dance. “Because of her spine condition she is not the best dancer but she does not let that bother her.  She is the leader of the dance group.”


Recently, I was able to get into contact with a family that was in China getting their daughter who is from the same orphanage as Noelle.  They offered to take some photos of Noelle.  I just have to share what they wrote in their email to me:….” Can I say she is the sweetest little girl ever?  We wanted to take her with us--but we are so happy she is going home so soon.  She is precious."

We are counting down the days until we get to meet our precious, talkative, dancing daughter.